Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Day 2 Civil Affairs stuff

On Monday China time after having breakfast at the hotel with two other adoptive families, we walked across the street to formally adopt our daughter, sign more documents, get interviewed by an official, & take a family photo for some legal documents. We then were taken by private van to the Police Station to for some notarization & then to another building for Mad's visa photo. The roads throughout the city of Nangchang are actually way more developed than I imagined, wish I could post pics & share more details of our civil affairs activities but the truth is, yesterday was very hard on Madi, and really hard on us emotionally. No time to take photos, or even bathe our girl.

It is 5:30 am ( when writing this ) & she's peacefully asleep over my shoulder. Last night was a bit rougher as she woke up several times crying. She was having night terrors & would scream each time I laid her down, so I had to wait until she was fully asleep. Earlier during the day though, after returning back to our hotel from being out and about, Madi took a step backwards. She was refusing to go with Kris & just screamed & hollered while he tried to comfort her. She is grieving for her foster parents, as she was hollering for "Mama" and it wasn't me. It was painful to witness and I just had to leave the room while Kris attempted to comfort her....for over an hour screaming. I ended up going to the hotel restaurant to order some room service then waited at the other family's room. The first time I tried to call our room Kris said not to come back until she was calm again as he said I would most likely make it worse by her seeing me. I was really sad for her. What if she never stopped her screaming? Thank God for the other family that comforted me by saying not to worry, she had to stop eventually. And after about an hour I called up to our room again & Kris finally said "come back now, she is asleep on my shoulder".

Upon returning we had half our food until she started on & off crying again, although not as bad. She is way more clingy to me for sure, but if Kris starts to ignore her bit she is slowly coming around. In fact, after walking her around the lobby she started playing with my necklace I gave her & she would pass it back and forth to him. Then back in our room she started pointing at food items as I held her & Kris would hand them to her. She had two whole bananas, Cheerios, some crackers ( & some noodles earlier, which btw she used her little fork to eat them with, pretty fast "Chinese style", which was funny to watch. We were already told before that if she clung to one of us more than the other than make sure to have the person she refuses to go to be the one to feed her so that she builds trust.

A few other things:

She has been cracking a smile each time she gets her hands dirty.

She picked up my glasses from a table and put them on my head like I was wearing them earlier.

This may not seem like like a lot, but it has been huge for us to witness from our little girl who's been so sad.

Here's a photo of what her face has been like on our first full day together. As you can imagine, she is frightened & confused. We wish we had known that she's been with foster parents all this time so that at least we would have expected this reaction. We have been told that it is always better if they are with foster parents as most likely she had more individualized attention than at the orphanage, but it is still very hard to witness. Please continue to pray that she can slowly begin to trust us so that we can see more of her personality.




Sarah said...

I am reading your blog every day! So happy you have Madi. It hurts to see her sad but it was good for her that she had her foster parents. She knows how to love and be loved. What a blessing that is.

Sarah L.

Odemaris said...

Marsi muchos abrazos y oraciones para tu familia. Madi está preciosa y estoy segura q poco a poco con mucho amor y paciencia todo va a ir mejorando.

Jenny said...

Oh Marsi, hang in there! You and Kris sound like you're doing everything RIGHT - grieving is so hard for Madi, and equally hard for you too. I think you'll be amazed in 2-3 weeks when you look back at your blog and your photos and you see how far Madi has come. Keep the faith... it does get better and Madi will reveal herself (and all of her sweetness!) to you in her time. Thinking of you and sending you love!

Jenny (from September 2006 FB)

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It's so hard to watch her grieve. All you can do is hold her as she works thru it. By day four she should start to calm down a lot more. You'll learn her triggers. For Hazel it was learning to trust me that I would feed her. Once she realized I would give her food the melt downs were fewer and farther between. I taught her a few signs in China and that helped us. I taught her eat, drink, more, all done and I made up one for diaper change. She leaned the signs quick and we still use them and many more.
Love Beth & Hazel

Kristi said...

As difficult as this process is for Madi, we can be thankful that she is grieving. This proves that she is very capable of bonding, and she will eventually do so with you. You can do it, Mama! We're hoping for good things for you very soon.

teri said...

marsi, sending strength your way. the adjustment is hard...but it will come!